in my closet i have a little drawer dedicated to makeup. the majority of the contents of the drawer are tubes of lipstick, leftover from a phase about six months ago when i felt the need to be bold and make a statement. i dabbled in the deep pinks and sultry reds and bright corals, spending probably far too much money in a short period of time on that particular tangible representation of my desire for uniqueness.
nevertheless, the lipstick phase has mostly passed. i tell myself i’m saving it all for when i live in a big city and everyone that i’ve known since childhood isn’t seeing me every day, wondering what in the world i’m doing with that unusually vibrant color on my mouth.
there are some moments, however, when the need for brightness on my lips comes back in full force, coaxing me into opening that closet drawer and digging around for something fun. just momentary whims that pop up when i’m feeling the need for added confidence and some sort of boldness.
so right now, at almost 2:00 in the morning, i’m curled up in bed typing this, wearing a very vivid pinkish-magenta shade of lipstick. because sometimes, no matter what time it is, you just need that little extra burst of uniqueness and slight flamboyance that says to life, ‘come at me. you can keep throwing out your best, and i can still get through it, because i am strong and capable and enough.”
sometimes change is hard. actually, a lot of the time change is hard. i’ve been discovering lately just how relatively unchanging my whole life has been up until recently. the past couple months have been full of thrown monkey wrenches all over the place.
i’ve been discovering lately how hard it is to see people you love grow increasingly distant from you – how hard it is to see them make choices and have to just sit there and pretend to be happy even though you want to shake them by the shoulders and ask them what in the universe they think they’re doing.
i’ve been discovering lately that coming to a crossroads in life can be both very exciting and very daunting at the same time.
so needless to say, the lipstick has come out of its little drawer a few times recently, because sometimes it somehow has the power to turn the ordinary into the magical and to elevate the rough spots so they don’t seem so bad.