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hiiiiii

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{random, mostly unrelated photo because blog posts need photos, right? but it’s an exciting photo because my hot best friend got married yesterday! aren’t Mikelle and Aubrey straight babes?}

Hi there! Welcome back to the blog. Yup, haven’t posted on here in over a year, what up?!

I’m in a weird phase of life at the moment. I kind of feel like I don’t really have a purpose. I mean, I kind of do, but I kind of don’t. I just don’t have one “thing” to focus my energy and emotions into at the moment, and I usually have something like that, so I’m a little lost.

The past months have been full of lots of things not working out. And now I’m sitting here Provo in May without a job, without an internship, without any dating prospects, without any advertising projects, one best friend just went on a mission, and another best friend just got married. Whooooo.

The past few months have been hard. Lots of small but drastic changes, lots of growing pains.

I’ve learned a lot though. And I’m still learning. I know that there are ways for me to learn and grow in this phase of life that are necessary for me to become the person that I have the potential to become. Except that doesn’t make it much easier haha. But I’m grateful for that perspective.

I was looking through my unpublished posts a while back and I stumbled on something I wrote that I think is semi-profound. (Heck, I feel like everything I used to write was at least semi-profound, if not super-profound haha.) This was a thought I had in Relief Society that I jotted down:

“Look for the evidence of the Lord in your struggles.”

{goodness, where on earth did the Tess go that wrote things like that on the regular???}

So I’m trying to choose to look for the light and the good things and the meaning. The Lord’s hand is in all things—all things.

Another reoccurring thought I’ve had recently is that with all the things aren’t happening for me right now, none of it is divine oversight. It’s not like Heavenly Father just forgot about me, or let things slide a bit while he’s focusing more on other people. None of it is oversight. It’s all part of a beautiful, complete, perfect plan. I’m grateful for the knowledge that I have of Heavenly Father’s involvement in our lives.

Things will work out. Doors will open. In the meantime, I’m so grateful for the lots and lots of good things—for the best friends ever, and the temple, and sleep, and summer, and Spotify, and oatmeal, and a car, and Provo, and books. Life is really so good. It’s filled with so much light and tender mercies are so real. And my best friends are doing incredible things! Missions and marriage are awesome, and I support them 100%, don’t worry. :)

This post isn’t super well-constructed, but I kind of just wanted to write a few thoughts. And I deleted my email list (whoops, sorry friends!) because it makes me feel semi-weird to think that some people get my random deep thoughts sent to their inbox. Not that this blog is private or anything—anyone can read it and that’s totally fine. I just haven’t posted in eternity and it felt a little weird. Mostly I’m just writing for myself, so I don’t care much about followers anymore.

So yeah, life is weird and kind of rough depending on the time of day, but mostly good. And I really do think good things are coming. Lots of things can be good if you just look at them in the right way.

 

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