last things

(this was written back in October, but I just rediscovered it on my computer and it felt like something that needed published)

tonight I started “Gossip Girl” because Britt and I were talking about it in Brooklyn last week and I became aware of the fact that I might just have a gaping hole in my teenage-hood. also she something about how when they were producing the show they did major ethnographies to figure out what upper east side teenage life was really like, which is super rad.

life is at a weird phase. i feel like I’m in-between. i’m feeling antsy and restless, but i’m not at the point where i don’t want to work, so that’s good. it feels like there’s something more coming, maybe soon. because sometimes this “i’m going to get to new york city” mentality is a little lonely. ha, and sometimes you need a 40-minute mental break for the first episode of Gossip Girl.

i have a hunch that today was the last experience-able fall saturday. meaning the last one before it’s too cold to be pleasantly outside. so when i should have spent all my minutes doing homework on my bed, i ran to Swig for a Dr. Pepper and took my hammock and my homework to the elementary school field that was home to a few solid hammocking sessions this summer. it’s weird to think that i’m living a series of “lasts” again.

technically this was my last homecoming week. weird. I might have not actually participated in any of the homecoming activities (whoops…the intentions were there a year ago…), but it was still the last.

there’s this AJR song that I just turned on called “come hang out.” i just turned it on for the first time since probably the summer. it has this one line – “yep, yep, I’m gonna miss this someday.” and I’m already feeling it.

but back to lasts. mostly last Provo things. the last Provo fall. the last Provo Canyon leaves. I just had my last Provo summer. soon my last Provo Halloween will be over.

this place has been such a good home for the past three years. I grew up here. I (somewhat) figured out so many of the goals and ambitions that I have that are so integral to who I am now. my feminist side came out here. my career woman side came out here. new york city became a reality here (thanks, advertising!). i met my best friends here — friends of a caliber and kindred spirit-ness that i would have never ever imagined that i would find.

so many good things. moving on is a good thing, but I’m so grateful for all the goodness that has been life these past few years.