easing

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tonight I sat and watched the sunset—for probably the first time since moving to Kansas City. I’ve seen lots of sunsets obviously, but as far as I can remember I had yet to just sit and watch one until tonight.

which feels significant.

I watched sunsets on a regular basis when I lived in Utah— at the Y parking lot, on the mountainside in Lindon, from the window of my house, at Slate Canyon eating fresh Pillsbury biscuits, sometimes with people, sometimes by myself.

since moving here, I think I’ve been hesitant to breathe. I spent those first summer months tense, a little on the defensive, because adjusting was hard and it always felt a little bit like the world was out to get me. during the fall it was better— I eased in more and started letting myself gradually crack open. and during these last couple winter months it’s been even better. but the whole process has been one of telling myself that this is home.

watching the sunset tonight, I thought about the life I’m carving out here. how it’s a good life, but also a life that isn’t a final destination, which makes it harder to rest in. but I think teaching myself to rest in it is what I really need right now. even if Missouri is a stepping stone, learning to go deep and be present with all that is good here feels needed. sometimes even when you’re in a really good place, easing in takes a lot of time and a lot of emotions, but I’m learning to be okay with that.

this first sunset tonight was a moment of easing, and breathing. hopefully there will be many more in the future.

the state of the union

^^^I put up curtains in my living room last night! I’m making a mental list of “adult” things, and buying a cordless drill is now on the list. also I basically destroyed my wall getting those curtains put up, so stay tuned to find out how much my apartment complex fines me when I move out lolol.

lately I’ve been feeling like I need to share. or at least that I have things to share. and it’s not even anything concrete—nothing that can be put into a list. but I feel like I need to talk about this stage of life— the “young professional, single, far away from anything that used to be familiar” stage of life. maybe not even because anyone needs to hear it (blogs are dead anyway, or something like that, right?), but maybe just because I need to write it for myself.

so this is the current state of life:

I graduated from college in April, majoring in Communications with an Advertising emphasis. I’m now working at an advertising agency in Kansas City, which is almost completely opposite from the city I expected to end up in. I love love love my job. I really like Kansas City. but it’s all been an adjustment. it’s been an interesting past (almost) 5 months navigating a completely new professional and geographic world, figuring out life on my own, and really figuring out who I am as an adult, single human.

it’s been 5 months of figuring out how the heck I’m going to get my sofa up the stairs, going to lots of things alone, wandering pretty city neighborhoods, taking so many wrong turns (where is my Utah grid system?), almost dying about 50 times with the tiny KC freeway onramps (and left onramps??? who do you think you are???), and discovering cool walls/buildings/rooftops/parking garages/hilltops/parks/towns.

it’s been 5 months of learning SO MUCH about everything, and I’m so grateful for all the opportunities and people that have been placed around me here.

so idk what I want to write, but I just want to document life these days. probably mostly for myself. I took this link off my instagram bio so I feel a little more free to write whatever instead of wondering what someone that randomly follows me and clicks the link thinks of all of this. maybe someday I’ll try to make more of it? but for now, it’s a creative outlet/journal/random online spot.

& also, a good quote I found the other day: “imagine what you could do if you started doing something about all you imagine. that’s all.” —Cleo Wade

happy Saturday!

the first days

the first few days here all felt a little foggy. I think part of that is because a 16-hour drive through Nebraska is enough to make anyone feel off, and the other part of it was transition overload. the stark reality of what I’d just done (leaving everything and everyone to move to a place where I knew nothing) was sinking in, and all the emotions felt blurry.

so if you ever move somewhere by yourself, give yourself 7 days where you might feel like you’re floating (not in the good way haha. kind of like you just took NyQuil.), but then I promise it’ll go away! and soon enough you’ll have a real mattress and a couch and a schedule and life will feel like life again.

[also, if you ever have to drive 16 hours through Nebraska, I highly recommend bringing your cool best friend. Aubrey saved my sanity.]

but foggy as they were, here’s what those first days consisted of (mostly for posterity’s sake):

– pizza on the floor. because what else do you do when you move into a new apartment?

– an air mattress on the floor.

– IKEA. In which I disrupted the flow of traffic at least twice and got in people’s way at least twice. But I left with a plant named Hugo and a sheepskin rug (actually idk what animal it’s supposed to be) that I named but later forgot what I named it, among other things, so it was a decently successful trip.

– Grimaldi’s. BLESSINGS that Grimaldi’s has a random KC location. Like, who just puts a Grimaldi’s in Kansas City???

– a rooftop. leave it to me and Aubrey to find a hotel rooftop deck with nobody on it.

– some tears.

– a really sad goodbye.

but even through the weird life-fog those first few days, being here still felt comfortable, and pretty okay, which was a blessing.

moral of the story: moving somewhere totally new by yourself is a weird experience. weird feelings. but get yourself some pizza and some patience with life, and then give yourself a few days and it gets better.

a thank you note to provo

Dear Provo,

My heart is currently halfway dying at the thought of not getting to see you for four whole months. I’m halfway excited for the rad places I get to spend time in this summer, and the rad people I get to spend time with in those places, but I’ll still miss you until we meet back up again in September. So I just wanted to say thank you for a fantastic year, and lots of good thoughts for the years to come.