sunset // easing

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tonight I sat and watched the sunset—for probably the first time since moving to Kansas City. I’ve seen lots of sunsets obviously, but as far as I can remember I had yet to just sit and watch one until tonight.

which feels significant.

I watched sunsets on a regular basis when I lived in Utah— at the Y parking lot, on the mountainside in Lindon, from the window of my house, at Slate Canyon eating fresh Pillsbury biscuits, sometimes with people, sometimes by myself.

since moving here, I think I’ve been hesitant to breathe. I spent those first summer months tense, a little on the defensive, because adjusting was hard and it always felt a little bit like the world was out to get me. during the fall it was better— I eased in more and started letting myself gradually crack open. and during these last couple winter months it’s been even better. but the whole process has been one of telling myself that this is home.

watching the sunset tonight, I thought about the life I’m carving out here. how it’s a good life, but also a life that isn’t a final destination, which makes it harder to rest in. but I think teaching myself to rest in it is what I really need right now. even if Missouri is a stepping stone, learning to go deep and be present with all that is good here feels needed. sometimes even when you’re in a really good place, easing in takes a lot of time and a lot of emotions, but I’m learning to be okay with that.

this first sunset tonight was a moment of easing, and breathing. hopefully there will be many more in the future.

 

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these days

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^^^ Prospero’s bookstore the other night (a new favorite place in KC!)

things are interesting. it’s been weird not going back to school with everyone else that’s back in Utah. not as weird as I thought it was going to be, but still weird. sometimes I get major FOMO for all the cool things I hear about going on back in Provo.

it’s also weird being in a phase that, for the first time in my life, doesn’t really have a concrete end date. I don’t have an end date for living in Kansas City, I don’t have an end date for being an unmarried person, I don’t have an end date for…really anything. life feels different knowing that at this point any serious progression or movement is really up to me.

but! overwhelmingly, life is a good place to be. I really, really love it here. there are so many things for me to learn in every single section of my life, and I’m excited to see how everything plays out.