the state of the union

IMG_4413

^^^I put up curtains in my living room last night! I’m making a mental list of “adult” things, and buying a cordless drill is now on the list. also I basically destroyed my wall getting those curtains put up, so stay tuned to find out how much my apartment complex fines me when I move out lolol.

lately I’ve been feeling like I need to share. or at least that I have things to share. and it’s not even anything concrete—nothing that can be put into a list. but I feel like I need to talk about this stage of life— the “young professional, single, far away from anything that used to be familiar” stage of life. maybe not even because anyone needs to hear it (blogs are dead anyway, or something like that, right?), but maybe just because I need to write it for myself.

so this is the current state of life:

I graduated from college in April, majoring in Communications with an Advertising emphasis. I’m now working at an advertising agency in Kansas City, which is almost completely opposite from the city I expected to end up in. I love love love my job. I really like Kansas City. but it’s all been an adjustment. it’s been an interesting past (almost) 5 months navigating a completely new professional and geographic world, figuring out life on my own, and really figuring out who I am as an adult, single human.

it’s been 5 months of figuring out how the heck I’m going to get my sofa up the stairs, going to lots of things alone, wandering pretty city neighborhoods, taking so many wrong turns (where is my Utah grid system?), almost dying about 50 times with the tiny KC freeway onramps (and left onramps??? who do you think you are???), and discovering cool walls/buildings/rooftops/parking garages/hilltops/parks/towns.

it’s been 5 months of learning SO MUCH about everything, and I’m so grateful for all the opportunities and people that have been placed around me here.

so idk what I want to write, but I just want to document life these days. probably mostly for myself. I took this link off my instagram bio so I feel a little more free to write whatever instead of wondering what someone that randomly follows me and clicks the link thinks of all of this. maybe someday I’ll try to make more of it? but for now, it’s a creative outlet/journal/random online spot.

& also, a good quote I found the other day: “imagine what you could do if you started doing something about all you imagine. that’s all.” —Cleo Wade

happy Saturday!

Advertisements

some things!

things giving me life lately:

– Alison Faulkner’s podcast

THIS BOOK. I found it in a used bookstore in Lawrence, Kansas and it is so cool visually and it hits so close to how I’m feeling lately (really, how I’ve been feeling for the last year of my life).

– herbal tea. is this adulthood??? I feel like herbal tea is the La Croix of the warm beverage world. it really doesn’t have much flavor, but I’m into it??? or maybe it’s just that I feel so adult with a thermos and tea?

so if you, too, want to partake in some life goodness, try any of those three things! (do I sound like an infomercial yet?)

also, some words from the author of that book above: “belong to yourself.” I like that. so much of life these days is figuring out who I am, but even as I’m in the process along the way I want to belong to myself, and be all of myself, as much as I possibly can. I think that’s where you find contentment and resting, even in the middle of searching and change.

june

IMG_3558

(written a couple weeks ago, when it was actually June)

Do you ever have a 5-second moment where you have a memory of a period of life that’s so vivid and sensory? Where you feel all that time of life was?

I keep having flashbacks to months ago, when I had no idea what life in June would feel like. Zero. I had some thoughts, and some hopes for what it would feel like, but really no idea.

I remember getting a fresh order of contacts back in the winter. I wear daily disposable contacts, so I got (I think) a 9-month supply. I also have a different prescription for each eye, so when I get a new order I like to open up all the little boxes and pair the right eye with the left so I can just grab a set when I need them. I distinctly remember sitting cross-legged on my bed at my house back in Provo, pairing my contacts together, and thinking about how some of these contacts were going to be experiencing life on my eyes in June, and how I had no idea what the life with those June contacts would be like.

And now it’s June. Almost July, actually.

I also vividly remember the morning of my interview with the agency that I’m at right now. (Lol, if any of my coworkers ever end up reading this, YES, this is a sentimental human you get to work with hahaha.) I skipped my stats class so I could take the call at my house, without anyone around, since all my roommates would be gone for the day by then.

My confident interview outfit consisted of my green Tweety bird sweatshirt and black leggings, with curled hair (RIP my all-over platinum blonde…give me 2 more weeks and you’ll be back!) and multiple rings on my fingers (because rings make me feel legit, idk why???). [blessings of a phone interview: being able to wear leggings and a sweatshirt. Also being able to talk with my hands as much as I possibly wanted to because no one could see me.]

And even back then, in February, I had no idea what June would feel like. Would June be in Kansas City? Or New York? Or LA? Or somewhere else entirely?

And then in March, Kansas City became a reality. So that’s what June would feel like.

It’s surreal now, sitting in June, almost in July, to think back on those days in the winter that were characterized by a lot of poignant emotions—uncertainty, hope, restlessness, the feeling of being on the edge of something mysterious that you know is going to define you in a way that nothing else ever has.

Being here was nowhere on my list of options 6 months ago. Nowhere on my radar at all. But I’m so grateful for the series of events and doors opening that led me here, because this place and this situation is perfect for me in a way that I would have never anticipated.

Life in June is really, really good. Also hard, and a learning process, but still really, really good.

currently // on independence and new york and the like

aspen2

reading all the new york city books i can get my hands on.

craving travel. europe sounds like a fantastic idea right about now. ukraine, anyone? and new york too {but that’s pretty much a given}.

also craving the mountains and the forest and nature. and trying to figure out how i find it enjoyable to swim in high mountain lakes created by snowmelt, but when our water heater stops working and i have to take a freezing cold shower i can barely bring myself to stick a toe in. {mini-story: then the plumber comes and fixes the water heater and all seems well in the world until your roommate comes home later and the whole apartment smells like gas, so there’s a slight concern that your house is going to explode (is that a thing?). and she calls management and they look at it and the pilot light has gone out but the plumber can’t come back until tomorrow so that means no hot water at least until tomorrow morning. and i haven’t washed my hair since sunday because dry shampoo is great and the low-maintenance life is the best, although it’s getting to the point where it really needs some shampoo. plan of action: go on a killer run in the morning, jump in the shower as soon as i get home so the cold water feels excellent. end of mini-story.}

watching this commercial over and over again. dang. NYC + style + mindblowing-ly profound copy. plus armani has all these other short film-esque commercials in this series that are so. good.

remembering just how much i love writing. and reading. and remembering that it’s so important to fill your days with what you love.

working on feeling adequate with independence. it’s hard when you live in a culture that is constantly pushing dating in your face, but for right now i think there’s something so great about being strong and confident and killing it at life because you love yourself. and Heavenly Father has it all worked out. :)

learning patience in all things. and contentment. and happiness in the details.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

have a rad rest of your week! {photos taken on a roommate excursion up by aspen grove a couple weekends ago. utah rocks at nature.}

{love, tessa brynn}

———————————————————————–

Other places to find me:

Bloglovin’ >>> Life and Loveliness

Instagram >>> @tessabrynnk

Twitter >>> @tessabrynnk

Pinterest >>> Tessa Kohler

well hello again!

Well hey there! I apologize for being so missing in action lately. Or I guess maybe I don’t need to apologize, since this is my blog? I do feel kinda bad, so maybe I at least need to apologize to myself for being so not on it for the past week and a half.

At any rate, whether apologies are due or not, I am back! For good, hopefully! And I’m back with an explanation, as well as a revision of direction.

In the way of explanations, blogging every day in February really did me in. As wonderful as it seemed, especially in the very start, I found that by the end it had taken everything out of me. It took the words, those precious, beautiful, wonderful words, and drained them right out of my heart. I feel like I turned into one of those horrid story problems in math where the water is draining out of a lake at a certain rate, and being filled at a slower rate, and you have to do some fancy pencil-scratching to figure out at what time the water will be at a dangerously low level, or something complicated like that. I always hated those problems.

But that’s what happened in February. The words dutifully flowed out of my fingers and onto this blog, but the rate that they were being replenished was not nearly fast enough to last the entire month. I found that by the end of the month, my writing felt (and sounded) forced and dry. It lacked richness, and substance.

As fun and simple as it was to answer a different prompt every day, and as quality as those prompts themselves were, I’ve found that that’s just not how I work. That’s not how I write. In my mind, it either comes from the heart, or it’s valuable as a bent-out-of-shape paperclip. 

By February 28th, the corner of my heart that is in charge of writing was exhausted and gasping for air. So I took a week-and-a-half long hiatus from all things blog, with my brain telling me every day that I needed to blog, and half-willing me to sit down and actually write something. Because that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?

But I’ve realized that I don’t want to write just because I feel the obligation to post. It shouldn’t feel like a chore. I want to write because I have words about to overflow from the brim of my heart, words that need written and shaped and spoken, whether for myself only, or for anyone else out in the word who cares to read what I write.

Not that there’s anything wrong with bloggers posting every day. I admire the people with the commitment and the motivation to blog every day. For many blogs, and bloggers, this system works flawlessly and successfully.

But it’s not for me, or for my blog. In order for me to write with depth and quality, which is the kind of writing that I feel is the signature of “Life and Loveliness,” I need time. So yes, I’m back at it, but bear with me as I ease back into a schedule that is comfortable for me, and also as I ease back into my usual style that is very far from answering a daily prompt. This blog is still evolving, and I’m still in the process of setting a definite tone for it, but I’m going to work on giving it a little more direction and purpose. I’m hoping for at least three or four posts a week. Maybe closer to the side of three. But along with that reduced number, I can pinkey promise you some writing of substance, something a little thicker, something that you can sink your teeth and thoughts into a little bit better than a “What’s in my Bag” post.

On that note, welcome back to “Life and Loveliness!” I am Miss Tessa Brynn Kohler, a hopeless romantic, a blogger, a writer, a normal person trying to make sense of the world, and a lover of all things beautiful and amazing. I hope you stay a while and find something here that speaks to you.

—————————————————————————————-

other places to find me:

twitter >>> @tessabrynnk

bloglovin’ >>> life and loveliness

pinterest >>> tessa kohler