pretty words that you should read // 001

i already blogged today (check it out! >>> sweet pork and sky), but i also wanted to do a roundup of posts that i love from other bloggers. {p.s. if you’re doing the zero to hero challenge, this is my completion of day 23!} this ended up being so enjoyable that i might even make this little roundup a weekly thing!

all of these posts are fantastic, as are the great people who wrote them, soooo you should get to clicking on those links and checking them out!

pretty words 600

i’m not gonna tell you that you’re beautiful – hannah brencher is a wonderful, wonderful writer, so i should really just link to her entire blog, but this is an especially lovely post about feeling adequate.

faith – a fantastic post about continuing with faith, because things will get better.

attraction and expectation – another lovely piece by meg fee about feeling a spark. i especially love the end of the post about her own expectations.

on being a queen – such a beautiful post about being a mother by the fantastic natalie holbrook! (i talked about my blogger-obsession with her here, too!) even though i’m not even married yet, this heartfelt post is still so touching to read, and i absolutely cannot wait until i’m a mother.

throwback thursday #4 – chasing cars – a soft, quick little romantic story that just makes me happy!

i have that something with you – another little romantic tidbit! it reads so, so smoothly and is almost poetic.

on courage – a thoughtful piece with a different take on courage – the thought that courage is more related to kindness than actually being bold.

happy reading!

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artist

“every child is an artist. the problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. ” 

-pablo picasso

this is refreshing. i love the thought that, just maybe, i’m an artist at something.

and if this quote has some truth to it, which i really believe it does, it also means that everyone else on this enormous planet is an artist in some way, no matter how deeply hidden inside of them it may be. when i think of that, i have this strange desire to get to know anyone and everyone out there and dig up their inner artist from the depths where it may have become forgotten. for me, a person really becomes beautiful to my eyes when i see their talents and their gifts and the unique little bits that make up the side of them that isn’t visible to the entire world.

what is your art? have you stayed an artist as you’ve grown up?

my favorite things // 01-18-2014

-boots. i haven’t a clue what it is, but i swear putting on a pair of boots can make you feel about fifty times more legit. preferably if they have at least a little tiny bit of a heel.

-subway for lunch. if you haven’t tried the sweet onion chicken teriyaki sandwich at subway before, you better get yourself over there today and have a go at it. subway in general is pure deliciousness, but that particular sandwich pretty much made my day earlier this week.

-my maroon 5 pandora radio station. sometimes pandora just gets it right, ya know? this station has a history of performing amazingly just for me, and this week was no exception. lots of perfect-song-at-just-the-right-time moments happening over here!

i hope everyone’s week went fantastically!

what were your favorite things this week?

confessions on reputations and being scared

so the funny thing is, very few people know that i blog. when i started blogging my family eventually found out, but i never told my friends. and as of today, as far as i know, none of my friends know about my blogs.

i’ll probably tell them sometime, or they’ll probably figure it out somehow through twitter or somewhere. the funny thing is that i tweet out a link every time i write a new post, but yet my best friend – the only close friend who follows me on twitter – still hasn’t figured it out. or maybe she has and there’s a reason why she hasn’t said anything haha? anyway, i’m pretty sure no one knows.

so why the secrecy among the people i know? i guess it’s not so much secrecy, just a choice not to broadcast my blogging. but why shouldn’t i be proud of what i write, and be happy to share it with people?

the thing is, i am proud of my writing (if i’m allowed to say that). if nothing else, i’m proud of it because it’s something i love to do and i hold dear this little creative outlet i’ve grown for myself.

but in all honesty, i’m terrified to share. 

and the deep down issue with all of this is that i’m honest-to-goodness scared about what people might think of me, despite how badly i want to pretend that other people’s opinions don’t matter to me, despite all the motivational messages that are shoved in our faces telling us that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you. i know, i know, i know, but try telling that to a brain that has emotions all wrapped in it, plus a life full of conforming to the reputation the world has placed on it. it sounds so petty, but i’m scared, and it’s the truth.

with my healthy living blog, (www.thehealthynotes.blogspot.com) i’m scared that people might think that it’s silly of me to be blogging about living a healthy life when i’m not an “athlete,” or a registered dietitian, or a personal trainer, or a health coach, or anything similar. i’m just one random person out there who sees the value of healthy living and wants to share it with others.

and then there’s this blog. i can’t decide which one i’m more afraid to tell my little world about.

and to level with you, i’m scared that people that know me might read my words on this blog and find me ridiculous.

there, i said it. that, right there, sums it up. i’m afraid of the snickers, of the behind-my-back-comments, of not being taken seriously. “you wrote some stupid flowery thing on lipstick???” 

okay, i basically pour out about seven-eighths of my heart into these words. the other eighth i keep to myself, since some special heart-secrets are good for a person, but i’ve put the rest out there, for anyone that cares to take the time to read it. (which, by the way, if you’re reading this, thank you thank you thank you for sparing a moment out of your day to hear me.)

so i give a lot of myself with my writing. and with all the giving, giving, giving, i feel like the defenses i’ve had in place my whole life are going down, one-by-one, post-by-post. it’s left me feeling exhilarated, and alive, and liberated…but also very exposed, in a way i’ve tried to avoid my whole life.

and i just can’t shake this feeling of vulnerability. 

to those acquaintances that know me from a distance, even a semi-close distance, i have a reputation, and a facade, and the internal pressure to keep it up. i’m seen as reserved. i’m known for being “smart,” however you want to take that. i’m known for niceness, and i’d venture to say that i’m perceived as being passive.

and i suppose there’s some truth to those statements, but that’s not me in a nutshell – in reality, the perception is very far from the truth that i see inside myself. that reputation – that outward perception – is only lightly touching the surface of me.

and for some reason it scares me to think of taking a step outside of that reputation, which is currently operating as my safety net. “tessa kohler” is liked, and accepted, and i don’t mind that in the slightest. “tessa kohler” has friends. “tessa kohler” isn’t criticized. “tessa kohler” is safe.

but “tessa kohler” also doesn’t write fiery blog posts about chivalry or happiness or other such deep matters in life.

so to take that step, and share what i write, is – to me – the equivalent of stepping out of a plane with a sketchy parachute, where you’re not quite sure if the whole falling-through-the-air-until-you-hit-the-ground thing was a smart idea. to share what i write with those people that already know me as a certain person, who acts a certain, predictable way – that would rock the ground just a little bit and suddenly i wouldn’t be that safe “tessa kohler” anymore.

and sometimes i can’t decide how badly i really want to share this with everyone. sometimes i really love coming here to write, and knowing that i can write whatever i please, because no one who reads this has those preconceived notions that terrify me so much. in those cases, my outward reputation is something i can hide behind, so while i stay safe and predictable in the real world, i’m also safe and free in the writing world that i adore.

but then again, sometimes i want to stand up in front of everyone i know and do some legit heart-and-guts-spilling, like i do here, in hopes that maybe i’ll actually be understood. and on those days, my stable reputation in my own little world doesn’t seem to loom over me as something that’s keeping me from expressing myself.

and yeah, i’ll probably end up sharing this completely unknown side of me someday. it probably won’t stay a secret forever. a friend will finally look at my tweets, or maybe i’ll drop a hint in a conversation, and people will figure it out eventually.

but for now, this is my place to be the real, legit, unrefined tessa, as cheesy and idealistic as that sounds. conquering those fears of altering the perception and the reputation is my mental and emotional work in progress at the moment. i’ve come to the realization that the more i write, the closer i draw to accomplishing that goal, so you can bet that’s what i’m going to keep doing.

here, i’m writing my heart, and my life. here i’m writing my true story.

here, i’m writing my reputation. 

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this post was inspired by the wordpress daily prompt: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/17/daily-prompt-you/ 

closeness. and choice.

close.

reaching, reaching.

so close, but not quite touching.

that small amount of distance seems as wide as all the oceans and as vast as any cavern in the earth below.

a closeness of hearts and ambitions and intentions, very nearly aligned.

almost, almost.

closeness speaks of optimism, a testament of the days and tears of the process, of the journey.

but. closeness also speaks of absence, of a gap. because no matter what’s behind, there’s still that ever-present chasm in front.

so it comes down to choice.

there’s choosing to stop. choosing to let that closeness, that not-quite-all-the-way-ness govern my heart. choosing to succumb to the daunting pressure piled on top, all that is standing in the way of inching a foot forward.

or there’s choosing to close the gap, even if it’s on the last gasping breath. choosing to reach toward the light.

choosing to let the presence of “close” be a motivation, a nudge in the right direction, something that adds fire to the already-present longing.

onward, ever onward, forever in the cause of the close.

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this post was inspired by the wordpress daily prompt! http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/16/daily-prompt-close-2/